Thursday, April 24, 2008

Drama Returns - (Post 10)

The drama has returned. After a great day yesterday I was looking forward to starting our first full day without Mrs. K’s drama involved. Our day started off great with Mr. K making breakfast for everyone. I never knew he was talented in the kitchen, but his breakfast was impressive. Of course Tara is a great cook too but even she was impressed. She was also grateful to not be cooking herself. The plan for the day was we were going to take a day trip to Newport, RI to see the historic mansions and beaches. Kayley’s teacher had to postpone their session today so her day was wide open. Mr. K said he took the day off from work and told his assistant to hold all of his calls. That today was a day for Kayley. She was very excited and couldn’t wait to get going. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to make our trip. We were just about ready to go when Mrs. K showed up. She arrived with her mother at 9am. If she had only shown up ten minutes later we would have been gone already. Mr. K had the locks and alarm codes changed right after she left yesterday so when she attempted to enter the house using her keys, she couldn’t get in. This infuriated her instantly and she began pounding on the doors. Literally, I mean loudly and forcefully pounding down the door yelling for her husband. I took Kayley out the back door and into the yard. Just from the sound her yelling we didn’t want Kayley around for what may have been in store.

While outside Mr. K opened the door and Mrs. K continued to scream at him. She was so loud that I could hear from where we were in the back yard. It’s a very large house, so she would have to be elevating her voice to a very high level for us to actually hear and make out what she was saying. I could hear her screaming that she wanted her car and that he couldn’t keep it from her. I couldn’t believe it. Yesterday when she left she specifically said she wanted Tony to drive her to her mother’s house, not her drive herself in her own car. I know for a fact that she said this because I witnessed the conversation. I was in the same room as she said it. Mr. K was actually getting all the keys to her car together as she prepared to leave. She insisted that Tony drive her and that her car remain here. Then, just a little over twenty-four hours later she returned demanding her car as if it were being held hostage. It was so ridiculous! I didn’t want Kayley to hear this anymore so she and I took a walk. It turned into a flower-picking walk and she had fun but was disappointed that we hadn’t left yet for our trip.

While we were on our walk, the fighting continued. Tara later explained the entire thing to me. As soon as Mrs. K started yelling about her car Mr. K walked to the kitchen and retrieved all of the keys that belong to her car and handed them to her. He never once said she couldn’t have the car he bought for her. It was hers, it was a gift and he never planned to keep it. When the keys were in her hand she paused as if shocked that he just handed them over. She then started saying, “Well, I want the other one too.” Mr. K’s response was, “What other one?” What she demanded next kills me, she answered, “I want the A8.” She’s talking about the car that is only used when Tony is driving Mr. or Mrs. K around, and occasionally Kayley and I (it’s an Audi A8L for anyone that’s curious). Mr. K was floored as well. He responded in a very aggravated way, “What are you talking about? That’s not your car! You know that Tony is the only one who drives it and it’s all it’s used for. Why the hell would you take that one too? You already have your S8 (Audi S8), you don’t need the other one!” This went back and forth for several minutes and ended with Mr. K saying there was no way in hell she was getting that car too. She threatened to get her lawyer to go after it but Mr. K said, “Go ahead! I don’t give a shit! You won’t get both cars. It’s bullshit you’re demanding it to begin with and you know it.” I don’t understand why she thought she would just get both. It’s insane.
Right after the car fight she went into more demands. First was demanding money to hold her over, which Mr. K refused. She also demanded the keys to their vacation home in Florida again, Mr. K refused (when she left he arranged for the locks to be changes on that house). Her final demand was Tara. Yes, she demanded that Tara was to leave with her to help her at her mother’s house and Mr. K was to continue to pay her. If you’re anything like me, this made you literally laugh out loud. She’s being so incredibly ridiculous! Of course Mr. K flat out refused and told her she must drunk if she really thought he was going to give in to her every whim. This infuriated her and she actually denied every drinking. Her exact words were, “I haven’t had a drink in over three months so don’t accuse me of being drunk!” We all know this is a major lie. After this, Mr. K told her she needed to leave. She actually refused. She said she wasn’t going to leave unless he gave her money. She was actually demanding $20,000. She finally did leave empty handed (besides her car) after being there for over two hours. Kayley and I ended up at her friend Blake’s house after about thirty minutes walking around the neighborhood. After thirty minutes I called home and Tara told me the fighting was still going, so we just headed for her friend’s house.

Since the fight went on for so long and then Mr. K had to consult with his lawyers and make certain arrangements, our trip was postponed. We’re going tomorrow instead. Kayley was really disappointed. After we returned home she asked her dad where Mrs. K was. He answered that she left to go back to grandma’s house. She asked why and he decided to sit her down to explain the situation. I intended to leave the room and let them talk but he insisted I be there for the conversation. So, we sat down on the couch with Kayley in between us. Before he was able to begin Kayley asked, “Is mommy coming back?” It nearly broke my heart that she already seemed to know, even if she didn’t realize what it really meant. Kids are amazingly perceptive and always know more then you think. Mr. K answered with, “Sweetie, Mommy doesn’t live with us anymore. Mommy and Daddy have separated, which means we can’t be together anymore. She’s living with Grandma Rosie in New York right now.” I studied Kayley’s face waiting for the tears but they never came. Mr. K continued, “This is between Mommy and Daddy, you didn’t do anything wrong. We still love you and always will. That will never change. Mommy and Daddy just can’t love each other anymore.” I was glad that he made a clear point to tell her it wasn’t her fault but I knew we would need to continue to tell her. At first she just sat there and took it all in. Mr. K and I exchanged glances and then just watched her. She finally looked at me and then back at her father and asked, “Will I still see Mommy?” I was expecting this question but what she said right after left me shocked. She quickly added, “I don’t want to.” Mr. K and I were both speechless for a moment. He then said, “Of course you can still see your Mommy, whenever you want.” She then jumped up and said, “I don’t want to! I don’t want to be with Mommy! Mommy isn’t nice. Mommy is really mean and I don’t like her!”

This really surprised me at first. I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t that. She was on the brink of tears over not the idea of her mother being gone, but the idea of having to see her. It was shocking. I wasn’t even sure what to do or say. I was preparing myself for her demanding to see her mother, crying that her mother wasn’t in the house anymore, possibly acting out because of it. This was the last thing I was prepared for; I never even really considered it. From Mr. K’s face and him later saying so, he never expected this either. Mr. K hugged her and told her it was OK. That for now, she won’t see her mother for a little while, but reminded her that she could whenever she wanted, she just had to say so. I was glad he left it open for her in the event she does change her mind. I was also glad he didn’t promise that she wouldn’t have to since that could end up out of his control. Many courts don’t like taking custody away from the mother never mind visitation too. If Mr. K decides she wants her daughter, it will be a difficult fight for Mr. K. I was happy that he didn’t make any promises that he couldn’t keep. We were able to settle Kayley down and finish our talk. At the end she said she was happy her mom was gone and never wants her to come back. It’s so sad isn’t it? A child would not want her own mother. Unfortunately, her mother doesn’t seem to want her either. The entire time Mrs. K was here this morning she never once brought up Kayley. She demanded money, cars, and houses but never asked to see Kayley or asked how she was doing. She never even brought her up at all. A mother her truly loved and cared for her child wouldn’t have left without her, wouldn’t have focused more on money and cars then her child. It’s horrible. It breaks my heart. I feel bad for Kayley because she should have a loving mother but instead she as a drunk mess.

I didn’t intend to stay up this late. We have quite a day planned for tomorrow. It will take several hours to Newport and then spending our day there. It should be fun though. I’m sure Kayley will enjoy it. I’m enjoying reading your comments and hope you will continue to write them.

I do have a question for all the readers of this blog. I’ve never been nanny for a child while their parents were divorcing. I want to be there for Kayley as much as possible. Since her response was the complete opposite from how I expected her too, I’m really not sure what to do. So if anyone has any advice, would you mind sharing it with me? I’m sure some of you nannies have had to work for a family while they were divorcing, or possibly parents who have divorced their spouses with young children in the middle. I could really use your advice and experience. Thank you in advance.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Amazing!! - (Post 9)

OH BOY! Those two words sum up my day today. It was so stressful and surprising at the same time. I learned a lot of things that I didn’t know about what was going on in this house. Mr. K sat Tara and I down for a little meeting to get everything out in the open and go over how the house will be running from now on. He didn’t want Kayley around for this so he asked Tony to escort her on a bike ride around the neighborhood and they had a lot of fun. Here is a run down of how the meeting went. There’s a lot to go over so bare with me.

First thing Mr. K said was he wants to do everything possible to shield Kayley from this divorce. He doesn’t want anyone, including him talking about it in front of her. We can explain it to her in her terms obviously, but beyond that, nothing else. I couldn’t agree with this more. Children do not need to be given adult issues and it will be better for her not to hear the nasty parts of divorce. It was the reason he asked Tony to take her out for a little while, so we could have this meeting without her in earshot. The second thing he said was, “Now, I want to know everything. I know there are things that went on in this house that I was unaware of, I already know some things which made me decide on divorce but I want to know everything.” We both just froze. It’s awkward telling your employer what he wasn’t paying attention to. I was waiting for Tara to start and I found out later that she was waiting for me. He seemed to sense this and said, “Please, I really do want to know. I’m sure this is awkward for you but I think it all needs to come out so we can make some changes for Kayley’s sake. The truth is what matters, not my feelings or my ego.”

So, we did. I took a deep breath and explained everything. I told him about the way Mrs. K treated Kayley and everything related to the two of them. I was actually surprised at how much came out. Tara and I just talked and talked each making certain points. Honestly, when it was all out I felt so much better! It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Tara told me later she did too. That faded into the background when I suddenly realized everything we had just said and not knowing what would come next. Mr. K excused himself and stepped outside. This had us both really nervous. We had dropped a lot of things on him but he said he needed the truth. We said it in the most delicate way possible but it had to of still stung. We had to tell him about the drinking, her passing out and being carried to bed, her treating Kayley like shit and that she didn’t have anything to do with Kayley in anyway beyond a basic hello. That has to be hard to take. He ended up staying outside for about forty -five minutes. Tara and I ended up cleaning the kitchen (even though it was already clean) as a way to relieve stress and pass the time. We didn’t even talk much, I just didn’t know what to say and was just too nervous to speak. I was really worried we would be losing our jobs.

When he came back inside he asked if we would sit down with him again. Of course we did and he began to talk. He said that he didn’t know about 90% of what we told him. Mrs. K had him thinking that she and Kayley spent all day together, that I was just here as backup. He was actually thinking about letting me go (before all of this) because he didn’t think I was needed. Mrs. K had him thinking she was a full time hands on mother. He thought she was taking Kayley to doctor’s appointments and outings. He thought she never drank besides the occasional glass of wine at a party. He thought he was married to a completely different person. He admitted that he wasn’t happy in his marriage for a long time because of the way she was with him. He said he only recently started noticing things and learned what was really going on. Apparently, Mrs. K called him the night she came home drunk and passed out. After I had helped her get into bed she called him over twenty times. He was sleeping and didn’t hear the phone ring. She left him messages on every call and was clearly drunk. She denied drinking later but he knew she was lying. Tara and I didn’t know this but she’s an alcoholic and had been in treatment for it at least twice. She had promised him that she wouldn’t drink anymore besides a glass of wine, which he wasn’t happy with that either. When he came home and we told him how bad it really was he confronted her about her drinking. She refused to get help and said she was going to drink as much as she wanted. He then said he overheard her talking to her sister about Kayley. He said the way she spoke about her was as if she were something in the way to be disposed of. He never thought Mrs. K would ever physically harm Kayley (I’ve never thought so either) but he said he could tell from her tone that she didn’t see her as a mother should.

It was a long conversation. It went on and on with Tara and I sitting quietly and listening. He apologized to us for having to deal with this and that he didn’t act sooner. He admitted that he probably wasn’t ready to. He said he does love her but it’s not the same anymore. He just had to be ready to end their marriage. He said that based on her actions and statements, he doesn’t see Mrs. K fighting for custody or even visitation. He plans to have full custody of Kayley and raiser her himself, with my help of course. This is where he brought up the changes that will be taking place. I’ll put them in list form so it will be easier.

1. Kayley will be attending school this fall. – I’m beyond thrilled at this one! I know many of you will be too!
2. Kayley’s friends will not be so restricted. He wants her to have friends and socialize. – How great is that?
3. Mr. K will not be leaving on business trips the way he has been. He can do the work he needs to do from here. Some will still need to take place but they will be few and far between. He also plans to cut down on his day hours to spend more time with Kayley, and working more when she’s in bed or out. – Another great thing.
4. A chef will be hired to take some burden off of Tara since on top of housework; she has also been cooking the majority of the meals. – A great thing for Tara since she does have a lot on her plate, which is why I help her out as much as I can.
5. I’m being put on more of a schedule (he thought I already was). He said we could go over that tomorrow, as today has already been a lot to take in, which we all agreed.
6. He offered to hire another housekeeper if Tara felt it was necessary, if she thought the entire house was too much for her. – She declined. She said that with cooking not being a responsibility anymore then she can definitely handle the house.
7. A point he made very clear is he will be more hands on with Kayley. He wants to be very much involved in her life and wants to make up for these 5 years when he wasn’t. – Just typing that makes me smile!

There could be more but that’s all I can think of off the top of my head. It was a lot to take in. Between the divorce being so out of the blue and Mrs. K leaving right away. Plus the new information about Mrs. K and all the changes, I think I’m on overload. After the meeting ended and Tony came back with Kayley we resumed our day. Mr. K took Kayley to the toy store and they went to visit with his mother. Tara and I were told to take the rest of the day off. The funny thing is we didn’t even know what to do! We haven’t had a day off in so long that it was somewhat shocking. I did end up having a great day though. I called my best friend, Meg to tell her what was going on. We met up for a “girls day out” and it was well overdue. We did some shopping, had our nails done, went out to dinner and even saw a movie. It was pretty simple stuff but it was a lot of fun. It was good to go out and do something for me. Of course I love Kayley and really do enjoy my time with her, but I need me time too. I know mothers and nannies alike will understand that very well. It’s very rejuvenating to get out and have some girl time. Tara had a great day too. She met up with her sister and they went to visit their grandmother. I know this meant a lot to her since she hasn’t been able to really see her grandmother in over two months. She was so ecstatic to have spent the day with her.

I have to say; I have never had as much respect for Mr. K as I do now. I think he is really stepping up as a father and a man. You can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice that he really wants a better home and life for Kayley. You could feel that he was heartbroken and upset over what she had been dealing with. He had no idea how bad it was really getting between Mrs. K and Kayley. I wish you all could have seen the look on his face when we explained what was going on. It was pure heartbreak! Tara and I agreed that we felt bad for being the messengers but glad that he finally knew everything. He was too. He thanked us for our honesty and said he could never apologize enough for what we’ve dealt with.

Tara and I are also getting a raise. Mr. K told us that we more then earned for everything we have had to put up with and going above and beyond our jobs. My original pay was $10.00 and hour, and it will not be $16.00. That is a huge raise for a nanny! My new hours will be decided tomorrow, which I’m excited about. I love caring for Kayley but I need a set schedule, at least for my sanity.

I hope you all will join me in a celebratory dance at the new changes that this house is in store for! Some of them (like the divorce) will be stressful for everyone involved but it’s for the better and the changes that are happening because of it are wonderful!

A tired but happy nanny,

Monday, April 21, 2008

The ball has dropped - (Post 8)

I don’t even know where to begin. So much has changed in the last day that part of me doesn’t even believe that it’s real. Apparently, Mr. K has been planning and scheming during his business trips. You can probably guess it; Mr. K has been meeting with his lawyers and is planning on divorcing his wife. He informed her today that he wants a divorce and wants her out of the house. He took her outside to tell her since Kayley and I were in the kitchen eating lunch. The morning was uneventful and I didn’t even see Mrs. K until she walked outside with her husband and he told her. Even though they were outside, we could still here what they were saying since the windows were open. Kayley didn’t hear it though, since she had headphones on. Want to know the weirdest thing of all? When Mr. K said he wanted her out of the house, she didn’t freak out at all. The conversation was actually very calm. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen/heard. It was very quick too. They walked outside and Mr. K said, “I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want too. We both know this marriage has been over for a long time and I’m not playing this game anymore. I want a divorce. It will be filed right away. I don’t know where you’re going to go but you can’t stay here anymore, I want you out. You have time, I’ll give you four weeks to figure out where you will go.” Mrs. K’s response was, “Fine. I’ll be out right away.” That was literally it. The conversation was over just like that. They came back in the house and walked in separate directions.

Tara and I just stood there in shock. Kayley was dancing around the kitchen to the music completely oblivious to what was going on. I was actually speechless which is very rare for me. I couldn’t believe that he just told his wife he was divorcing her as if he was telling her they were out of milk. It was just so weird. Mrs. K went straight for her bedroom and unbeknownst to us, she was already packing. She eventually called Tara up to her room and asked her to help her pack. Poor Tara was stuck in that room with her for three hours. I was keeping Kayley occupied in the family room when Mr. K said he needed to speak with me. We stepped into the next room and he said, “I don’t know if you are aware or not yet, but Sarah and I are divorcing. She has decided she is leaving tonight despite the fact that I’m not forcing her to do so. She’s packing as we speak and is leaving to go to her mother’s house. She doesn’t want to take Kayley with her, so Kayley will be living with here with me. You still have your job if you’re interested. However I will understand if you do not feel comfortable being in the middle of all of this.” I was floored! Mrs. K doesn’t even want to have Kayley with her. I mean, I thought she loved her daughter more then that. My mind was racing when he said, “I’ll let you think about it, let me know what you decide.” He walked away and left me in shock.

When Tara came back downstairs she whispered that she had to talk to me right away. With perfect timing Mr. K walked in and said he wanted to take Kayley out for some ice cream. Kayley shrieked with excitement. He offered for us to go but we declined. I figured it was good to let them have some father daughter time and Tara was itching to talk to me. Right after they left Tara pulled me outside to tell me the story. While they were upstairs Mrs. K unloaded everything onto Tara as they packed. She told her that she couldn’t believe he actually did this to her behind her back and that it was wrong what he was doing. She ranted about how this divorce will ruin her and she will never be able to get her reputation back. She actually said to Tara, “what will the neighbors think when they here this? This will have them talking for months! I’ll never be able to face them again.” Can you believe that? Her marriage is ending and the only thing she’s worried about is what they neighbors will be saying. Not her daughter, not her husband but the neighbors. She can never cease to amaze me! The entire time they were upstairs that was all she was talking about. The neighbors and their friends is all she’s worried about. When Tara finished packing up the clothes in the master closet she asked, “Should I start packing Kayley’s things?” Mrs. K’s exact response was, “What? Oh. No, no need. She’s staying with her father. I don’t want to take her. Honestly, I had her for him anyway.” I started to cry when Tara told me. I couldn’t believe she actually said that. She might as well have said she didn’t love her daughter. At least she said it to Tara and not to Kayley. This is when I decided I was staying. There’s no way I’m going to abandon her right now. Her mother is leaving and she will be wondering why. From what she said to Tara, I don’t think she is going to visit much with Kayley and she will want to know why. I can’t leave her right now.

The post will have to end here for now. I’m pretty wiped from today’s events. It was very emotionally draining to take all of this in. I’ve told Mr. K that I will be staying for Kayley. He said he was happy to hear that and that we will talk more tomorrow. The last thing he said to me before he headed for the guest bedroom was, “Things will be changing around here. I’m going to make it better for Kayley.” For the first time, I felt like Mr. K was being a real father. He’s doing this for Kayley and wants to make things better. I hope it happens. I hope things get better for her although I’m worried that this divorce is going to be very scary and stressful for her. Mrs. K is still here but she is leaving in the morning. She told Tara she would be leaving at 6am to avoid running into any of the neighbors. God forbid should she have to actually face them.

Sorry this isn’t a great post. I think I’m in shock and just exhausted. Maybe after it sinks in tomorrow I’ll be able to write more.

Shocked and confused,

Standing up for Kayley - (Post 7)

Today was a busy day in the Kingston house. Mr. K did come home today, which was somewhat of a surprise to everyone, even Mrs. K. She seemed to have no clue whether he was going to arrive or not. He was already here when Kayley and I got up for the day. Mrs. K wasn’t even up yet but we came downstairs to find Mr. K sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, as if he had been there the entire time. Kayley was excited to seem him and just about sprinted across the kitchen and hopped onto his lap. Even though Mr. K doesn’t pay much attention to Kayley he does treat her well when he does. He’s really sweet to her when he acknowledges she’s there. The problem is it usually only lasts for a moment or two and then he moves on. Plus he’s not home very often so the sweet moments are few and far between. I have to admit though, he treats her much better then Mrs. K does. She is definitely a daddy’s girl. They had a good little conversation, which mostly consisted of Kayley telling him everything he missed this weekend. The zoo was the main part of the story though. Mr. K was pleasant and encouraged her to keep talking. He seemed to be reading the papers in front of him more then listening but he pretends enough that she doesn’t notice. Even though this isn’t great, it’s still an improvement from the interaction between mother and daughter.

Kayley was already done with breakfast by the time Mrs. K came down. The look on her face when she saw her husband sitting at the breakfast table and what followed almost made me burst out laughing. It was pure shock, but not in a fun surprise party way. I don’t know why I felt the urge to laugh but it just seemed so ridiculous. She literally froze in the doorway. It took her a few moments to regain her composure and went full force into her “happy life” charade. She attempted to hug and kiss him but he was cold towards her. He didn’t hug her back and moved away before she could reach up to give him a kiss. This was sad to see. He’s not usually that cold to her so I was surprised. Mrs. K looked at me as if embarrassed and then turned away and began to tell her husband all she had planned for this coming week (which was news to me and Tara). I think she made it all up on the spot. He didn’t even pretend to listen but she kept on talking. She told him she was planning a big party for all their friends that will be held outside. From the sounds of her plans she is going all out. The only thing she hadn’t decided was the date. Soon she excused herself and disappeared.

About an hour later Mrs. K closest friend, Mrs. E arrived with her personal assistant (who’s name I never caught) who was carrying piles of books, brochures, and magazines and looked severely stressed out. The three of them disappeared into the formal dinning room and about twenty minutes later another woman arrived who introduced herself as an event planner. If you have enough money, you can get an event planner at your house in record time, even on a Sunday. For some reason she handed Tara and I each a card when she walked in. I don’t know why she did it, probably out of habit. I’ll leave her name and her business’ name out of the blog, but according to Mrs. E’s personal assistant, she is the best around. The four of them worked for four and a half hours, with only the personal assistant coming and going from the room to retrieve food and drinks. Honestly, I could care less about this entire thing but this party means the house will be very busy with all types of deliveries and setup. Last time she threw one of these parties the house was so busy even early in the morning. Sleep becomes impossible when the work is being done to prep the house. It’s more then just setting up flowers, they do everything from painting rooms, re-planting flowers and bushes outside and even demolition and rebuilding if someone decides it’s a good idea. It can be a true pain in the ass!

Mrs. K and Kayley did have a run in later in the day. It was right before dinner was ready and Mrs. K was still deciding details about her party. The other guests had left hours before but she barely left the dining room. It was on one of her trips to the kitchen for a drink that it happened. Usually when Mr. K is home his wife his much nicer to Kayley but it’s like she forgot he was in the house. Kayley, who was just happy to have both her parents in the house again was very excited to spend time with them .She would visit her dad his home office and then talk with her mother in the dining room. She did this for the better part of the afternoon. While Mrs. K was in the kitchen, Kayley had returned to the dining room to visit her mom. I was in the next room helping Tara fold some laundry and I saw her head in there. I went in just to check on her and she was patiently waiting on the chair next to the one her mom had been sitting in. She didn’t touch a thing and was sitting very quiet and still.

I didn’t leave the dinning room but turned in the doorway to hear what Tara was saying from the next room. While my back was turned Mrs. K entered from the other side and began screaming at Kayley. When I turned around Kayley was holding a piece of paper she had taken off the table. She wasn’t ripping it or damaging the paper at all. All she was doing was holding it and looking at the pictures of a flower display. Mrs. K was screaming as if Kayley had ruined everything. I can’t repeat what she was saying just because I couldn’t even understand half of it. She was being so frantic that I could only understand a few words here and there. Plus I wasn’t really listening since my main concern was getting Kayley out of that situation. Kayley was sitting there with a look of shock and tears streaming down her face. The nature of the yelling had both Tara and Mr. K in the dining room in seconds. I scooped Kayley up in the middle of this but it didn’t stop Mrs. K from screaming at her. I was walking out of the dining room as Mr. K stepped in the middle and literally told her to shut her mouth. I took Kayley upstairs to her room and held her as she cried. In between the tears and sobs, she repeatedly said, “I didn’t do anything!” From upstairs in her room I could hear yelling downstairs but couldn’t understand exactly what was being said. To drown out the yelling, I turned some music on and just held her as she cried while trying to calm her down.

Tara later told me what exactly happen downstairs. Turns out Mr. K stood up for his daughter. I was shocked to hear it and if anyone besides Tara had told me, I wouldn’t have believed it. Mr. K flat out told his wife that she was horrible to Kayley and that he was sick of it. He told her that she was a lazy mother and that their daughter will grow up to hate her. He then told her that if she ever screams at Kayley like that again, especially if she doesn’t do anything wrong, then he will divorce her. I was floored! Apparently Mrs. K only fought back in the beginning but then just stood there and took it. She simply nodded and walked away when he was finished. When she was gone, Mr. K told Tara that from now on he wants to know how every interaction that goes on between Mrs. K and Kayley. He later told me the same thing after I had put Kayley to bed. He gave me his personal cell phone number (even though I already know it) and told me that even when he’s not here, he wants to know if this ever happens again. Honestly, I don’t even know what to think. This is so far from what is normal in this house that I’m blown away. After their fight he came up to Kayley’s room and said he wanted to spend some time with his daughter. They ended up watching movies in the family room and seemed to really enjoy their time together. He was actually laughing and fully engaging with her. It was great to see but I feel so confused.

It’s a good thing that he seems to be stepping up and taking control of the situation, I just hope it lasts. I guess I’m worried this is only temporary. I didn’t see Mrs. K again after that explosion in the dining room. She called Tara to her room once to bring her something but other then that, she was quiet all night. Mr. K went to bed in one of the guest rooms. He’s never done that the entire time I’ve worked here. Tara has been here for almost two years and even she has never seen it. Things are changing in the Kingston house, that’s for sure.

I’m heading to bed. I’m very curious to see how tomorrow plays out. I think anything can happen at this point. I do have a feeling a divorce is coming soon no matter how Mrs. K acts. I worry for Kayley since I don’t know what that would mean for her.

I want to thank all the other nannies that are commenting my posts and sending messages. It’s great to hear from people who know how this job can be and how it pulls on your heartstrings. I hope everyone, including nannies and non-nannies, keep reading and sending me your thoughts. Thanks!

A confused and concerned nanny,

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Lions, Tigers and Bears, Oh My! - (Post 6)

Our trip to the zoo went great! Kayley had a blast as did her friends Blake and Leah. Actually, Kelly, Alexis (Leah’s nanny) and myself had a lot of fun too. It’s even safe to say that Tony (the family driver) had fun too. It was a long day and a lot of walking was involved but everyone had fun, which is all that mattered. If anyone else has ever been to the Bronx zoo then you know it’s pretty huge! It’s not possible to cover the entire zoo with young children all in one day. I’m sure some people try but we didn’t. We did see so much though. Kayley’s favorite thing of all was the butterfly garden! She couldn’t get enough of it. If it had been up to her we would have stayed there all day. The kids also did the camel rides. Leah was a little nervous about getting up on the camel but Kayley convinced her it would be fun. She’s so fearless. She couldn’t wait to get up there and didn’t want to get down. We saw so much that it’s hard to really pinpoint only certain parts of the day. It’s a great zoo to visit, if you ever get the chance to be in the area I highly recommend you go. Kids and adults will enjoy it!

If I had to pick my favorite part of the day I would say it was visiting the tiger exhibit. I have a weakness for all big cats so I was looking forward to visiting this the most. We were able to time our stop at Tiger Mountain to see the zookeepers working with the tigers. They do this daily at certain times and we wanted to catch at least one of them. It was great to see. We also caught the bee-eater feeding in the World of Birds exhibit. That was really interesting to see. The zookeepers toss live crickets and the Bee-eaters swarm to catch them mid air. It was very entertaining. The kids loved all the birds they were able to see. Blake was fascinated by the Toucans; he didn’t stop talking about them for a while. Some of the best pictures of the day came from the bird and butterfly exhibits. Of course we took pictures of everything though. We took some great shots of the kids that I can’t wait to get prints of. It was definitely a lot fun. We plan to go back again this year to visit the other exhibits we didn’t get to see. Plus they are opening a new one this summer that sounds really good. Like I said before, if you get the chance to go, do it!

The kids were tired after our long day and Kayley wasn’t up much after we arrived home. She ended up in bed around 6:30pm. This is really early for her but she was so wiped. I’m sure she will be talking nonstop about our day tomorrow. She told me today that she wants to live at the zoo. After we saw the zookeepers interacting with some of the animals she decided she wants to be one. She announced to our little group, “When I grow up I’m doing that!” It was so cute to see her excitement at all the exhibits. All the kids were just mesmerized by the beautiful animals in front of them. Just seeing that makes up for sore feet and tired bodies. I’m sure many of you who have children of your own understand what I mean. I love when she is able to just enjoy herself without her mother being around to ruin it for her. She was even encouraging her two friends to have fun. Leah got pretty cranky after a while but Kayley somehow was able to make her happy again. She’s such a sweet little girl. She’s just so happy and wants everyone around her to be that way too. She tries so hard to make you smile, but honestly it usually doesn’t take much. You can’t help but smile.

Since our day was jam packed with activities and we weren’t home much Mrs. K didn’t even have a chance to be mean to her daughter. Actually, I think she saw her for a total of 10 minutes today, and not even all at once.

Mr. K is due home tomorrow. I haven’t heard any word if he really will be or not. Mrs. K hasn’t said one way or another. This is another thing that is odd compared to previous trips. Usually she seems to tell everyone twenty times that he will be arriving the next day. She hasn’t said one word. Tara said he called today but the call only lasted a few moments. So your guess is as good as mine if he will be here tomorrow. I’m hoping he will just because Mrs. K will be on her best behavior. The only real downside to him being home is the late night fighting that wakes Kayley up. I’m not sure what is better though, them fighting at night or her coming home drunk in the early morning hours. It’s not good either way. No one wins in either situation so I guess it doesn’t matter. I just hate having to clean up Mrs. K’s messes. Whether it’s having to convince her daughter that she doesn’t hate her or having to literally clean Mrs. K up off the floor. Sometimes I think they should hire another nanny just to take care of Mrs. K. That way it can be off Tara and my shoulders. That sounds good doesn’t? Oh, if only.

Anyway, I’m rather tired myself and need to finish up a few things before heading to bed. I hope everyone made a smooth transition over to this site from I apologize for the move but this site gives you and me much more freedom. On this blog, anyone can leave a comment even if you don’t have an account. It also allows me to customize the page much more then the other site did. I can make it more my own. It’s still a work in progress but it’s getting there. I will be on this site for good though, so you don’t have to worry about another move. I hope you all will continue to read and send me your thoughts. I love to read them and I enjoy reading your opinions. I will also still answer all of your questions, either through a message directly to you or in the blog itself. So ask away! There is also an option at the bottom of the page to subscribe to the blog, if you’re interested.

If you don’t mind, please answer the poll located in the top right corner. I’m interested in how you found this blog since I’ve been told a few different ways. It’s not mandatory obviously but it would be appreciated. Thanks!


Saturday, April 19, 2008

Clean up on aisle five! - (Post 5)

You are reading a post from one very tired nanny. Since I was up pretty late last night and then up at our usual 8am, it’s safe to say that I’m wiped. I plan to head to bed soon but I wanted to get my post in. The day started kind of rough but it rounded out to be a decent day. Kayley was doing much better this morning. Her eyes were a little itchy but beyond that she felt fine. A little allergy medication and she was good to go. She was happy to get out of the house today even if it was only for a little while. She had another school session this afternoon so we had to be back by 3pm. I was glad to get her out too since today was simple gorgeous! We were able to meet up with Blake and his nanny Kelly for a trip to the park. We even had a little picnic and the kids were able to feed some ducks and swans. Blake and Kayley even went on a “fairy hunt” in any flowers they could find. It was really cute. We have a trip to the zoo planned for tomorrow and Kayley is really excited about it. Blake and another friend, Leah will be going too. It should be a fun day.

As for this morning, Mrs. K woke up in a really bitchy mood. She definitely had a hangover after her night of drinking so I wasn’t expecting a cheerful person to emerge from that bedroom. Actually I wasn’t expecting her to get up until the afternoon sometime. For some reason she decided to grace us with her presence around 8:30am and the first thing she did was complain. She actually freaked out because the flowers were missing! The first thing that came out of her mouth was, “Tara! Tara! Where did the flowers go? I didn’t tell you to move them. Where did they go? I want them back on this table right now!” Poor Tara was floored. She couldn’t believe this woman was demanding the very flowers that she smashed only several hours before. Tara then explained what happened. She said it as quickly as possible; I think she was just trying to get out of the situation as fast as she could. There was such a long pause that I really had no idea what was coming. Actually, I was just trying to will Kayley to finish eating so we could get ready and out of the house. Mrs. K seemed to ignore the main part of the story Tara told her and just said, “Well, I want more flowers so call the florist and have more delivered.” With that she went into the kitchen while complaining that it was too bright in the house.

Kayley and I were just about to walk out of the kitchen when Mrs. K suddenly called her name. I groaned worried this wasn’t going to go well with her horrible mood. Kayley skipped over to her and chirped, “good morning, Mommy!” She’s such a happy little girl and is always in a good mood. Well, that is until her mother finds a way to squash it. We never really found out why Mrs. K called her daughter to her because she started yelling at her for saying good morning too loud. She went into a mini rant how she can’t stand how loud she is and that she just wants her to be quiet. Poor Kayley was on the verge of tears when I picked her up to take her upstairs. Before I walked away I looked Mrs. K in the eye and said, “She was just happy to see you. It’s not her fault you have a headache. There’s Tylenol in the bathroom.” It was probably more then I should say as an employee but there was so much more I wanted to say to her. I wish I could just smack some sense into her, make her see how she treats her daughter. I hate seeing her break her daughter’s heart just because she has no patience. Kayley wasn’t even loud when she greeted her mother. But because Mrs. K can’t (or won’t) control her drinking and left herself with a bad hangover, she took it out on her innocent 5 year old. She’s such a bitch.

Once again it was up to me to mend Kayley’s heart. She cried in my arms as I brought her upstairs to her room. Within a few minutes the tears subsided and she asked a question that nearly made me cry. She looked right into my face and asked, “Why does mommy hate me?” I wanted to cry, the tears were quickly on the way to my eyes but I somehow managed to hold them back. What do you say to a little girl who thinks her own mother hates her? I just said what came to mind. I hugged her and said, “Sweetie, your mommy doesn’t hate you! She doesn’t feel good today, her head really hurts and everything seems really loud. Remember when you were sick before Christmas and you kept saying your head really hurt? It’s like that. You didn’t do anything wrong. Mommy shouldn’t have yelled but we will leave her alone for today, ok?” She nodded that she understood and then she smiled and said, “can we bring mommy flowers to make her feel better?” You really have to love the sweet heart of a little child. Despite how her mother treats her, she has the kindest soul you could ever find in a person. I hope everyday that she is somehow able to always keep that.

After the mess of the morning the rest of the day went really well. Kayley had a blast at the park as usual and had a great session with her teacher. We did bring her mom some flowers because Kayley decided they would definitely make her feel better. She picked bright yellow tulips wrapped in pink paper. She was so proud to carry them into the house that I was just praying that her mom would be nice. Kayley found her mom lying on the couch in the family room and tip toed up to her. She whispered, “to make you feel better mommy”. Mrs. K jumped at first but actually smiled and thanked her. She accepted the flowers, gave her a little hug and a kiss on the forehead. I was grateful to not have a repeat of this morning. Kayley was anxious to see them in a vase and convinced her mom to come into the kitchen. I grabbed a vase and met them in the next room. They actually had a good time prepping the flowers and arranging them in the vase. Mrs. K even let Kayley pick where she wanted to put them. She chose the table next to the door in the entranceway. Yes, the same spot her mother had broken the vase the night before. Her reason was, “so daddy can seem them when he comes home”. So sweet isn’t it? Unfortunately, this was the end of Mrs. K’s good mood. It seemed the mention of the table reminded her of what Tara had said and she walked off without a word. The flowers distracted Kayley so she didn’t really notice. I stepped in and moved her attention to getting ready for her teacher who was coming in a few minutes.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Mrs. K stayed in her room and Kayley told Tara all about our day at the park. She gushed about the ducks and the swans with a special mention of their “fairy hunt”. Tara is so great with her and always tells her how much she loves her stories. After dinner the two of us watched a movie and then read a book before bed. She was fast asleep not long after. I’m losing all patience for Mrs. K although I haven’t had much left for a while now. My best friend told me I should to quit tonight. She’s worried what the stress will do to me if I stay much longer. Actually, a few of you have said the same thing in comments and messages. I must admit that I agree with you. I just can’t leave, not yet. Yes, the benefits are great and not having to pay any rent or utilities is great too. It’s not even those things that keep me here. It’s Kayley. I can’t walk away from her right now. I know it seems like I should just leave knowing they will just hire another nanny but it’s going to have to wait for a little while. I don’t know how long, but I just feel I need to be here for her for a little while longer. Maybe that’s crazy, I don’t know but it’s what feels right. I know I’ll be ok, I can handle it, it’s her I’m really worried about.

Anyway, I need to catch up on some sleep. I hope everyone continues to read and leave me your thoughts (through comments or messages). I love reading them and appreciate them very much! Enjoy your weekend!

Since I’m here I’ll answer a few questions. I do plan to attend college in about a year or so, and I want to earn a degree in education. I would love to be an elementary school teacher. I do love being a nanny but being a teacher is my goal. Another question was if I would recommend being a nanny to anyone else. That’s not an easy question to answer. Not everyone should work as a nanny but it can be right for the right people. You need a lot of patience and a love for children. You have to be willing to work a lot of hours for not impressive pay. You have to be willing to put up with tough parents in case you land a family anything like the one I work for. Not all families are as bad as this situation, actually most aren’t. I was with a lot of great families in the past and wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything. You learn a lot being a nanny. You get great experience with children in all types of situations, which you can always use later when you have your own. It’s a fun and stressful job all wrapped into one. I do enjoy what I do but it has its ups and downs like any other job. I hope that helped!

A sleepy nanny,

An Unplanned Continuation - (Post 4)

You know, I really thought we would actually have a completely mellow day. I was so wrong that it’s ridiculous. Kayley went to bed at her usual 8pm and fell right to sleep. I decided to do some reading, chat with some friends I haven’t talked to lately, post my entry for the day and relax. At around 11:30pm (which was right after I posted my blog) Tara came to my door to ask me if I knew where Mrs. K was. I didn’t. I actually assumed she was in her bedroom since I hadn’t heard or seen her leave it all day. Tara told me she had gone to check on her to make sure she was ok and found her room to be empty. We checked the entire house and she wasn’t here. We figured she left for another party and would be back sometime in the early morning. I wasn’t worried since she does this a lot when Mr. K is gone. We both went back to our rooms and resumed what we were doing. I must have dosed off while reading because when I woke up it was just past 2am. I was just getting into bed for the night to go back to sleep when I heard the front door open. As soon as I turned out the light I heard what sounded like glass hitting the floor. I shot out of bed and ran to the top of the stairs. Tara was coming down the hall asking over and over what had happened. At the bottom of the stairs was Mrs. K passed out on the floor with glass scattered all around her. Coming up the front stairs in a panic was her driver, Tony. Honestly, part of me just wanted to go back to my room.

Turns out Mrs. K left the house around 8pm, which explains why I didn’t notice, since I was putting Kayley to bed. She had Tony bring her to three different bars (not her usual scene) before settling on a party at one of her friend’s house. Apparently she drank herself stupid and tried to make out with one of the party guests. If you’re anything like me, you’re rolling your eyes and saying “oh God!” right now. The host of the party called Tony into the house to get Mrs. K to leave. When she’s that drunk it’s usually not hard to convince her of anything. Tony, the amazing guy that he is, got her out of the house on her own feet and into the backseat of the car. He’s really become a master at this since it’s a common occurrence when she gets this crazy. He brought her home and tried to walk her into the house. He got her as far as the stairs and she demanded to do it on her own. She managed to unlock the door herself and put the alarm code in so she didn’t set it off. When she did that Tony thought maybe she was somewhat ok and headed back for the car. He said as he rounded the driver’s side and opened the door he saw her wobble grab for something and collapse to the floor. The thing she grabbed for was a table to the right of the door with a glass vase with flowers in it. Because of the way the driveway is set up, the cars are parked pretty far from the front door so it took him some time to get back to the doorway.

Like a well-practiced play Tony scooped Mrs. K into his arms and headed up the stairs. Tara began to clean up the broken glass, water and flowers all over the floor and I followed Tony to help get Mrs. K into bed. I undressed her, tossed her wet clothes into the dirty laundry and managed to get her nightgown on before she was really conscious enough to put up a fight. She actually got into bed on her own power and just mumbled to herself as I left her room. Talk about something NOT in the job description! What am I supposed to do though? I can’t just leave her on the floor soaking wet and drunk. I just suck it up and do what I need to do and get her into bed. I’ve done it enough times that it’s almost automatic. Thank God for Tony because without him, Tara and I would never get her up the stairs on our own. When she gets this bad she usually has no clue what happened the next day. She often asks and we tell her. Most of the time she thanks us for helping her but she never apologizes for being so out of control.

Like the amazing little girl she is, Kayley didn’t seem to wake up from the commotion going on below her. If she did, she didn’t come out of her room to see what was going on. That’s what she usually does when she is woken up in the middle of the night so I doubt she was bothered by the noise. I checked in on her right after it happened and again after I finished helping Mrs. K get into bed. Both times she was fast asleep, so luckily I won’t have to explain to her what happened to her mom. Those conversations are never fun. Tara had the mess cleaned up pretty quickly and you would almost never know what had happened, except for the missing flowers and vase. She plans to get up early in the morning and vacuum the area for any missed pieces of glass. We want to make sure it’s all set before Kayley gets up. We wouldn’t want her to cut herself on the glass. I’m sure she will ask where the flowers went since she had just said today that they were so pretty. She always loves when fresh flowers arrive. Sometimes she gets more excited over the fresh flowers then she does over new toys.

Tara and I agree that something is going on. Mrs. K seems worse then she usually is when her husband is away on a trip. Yes, she has come home late at night drunk before. Yes, she has been out of it enough to need help getting to her own bedroom. All of that isn’t new. It just seems different. Something isn’t the same. I think it’s the fact that it’s all happening at once. It’s like she’s spiraling down so fast that I can’t help but wonder what’s really going on. Mr. K hasn’t called at all that I’m aware of. Actually, there haven’t been many phone calls at all compared to the usual amount we get daily. If he does come home when he’s supposed to, which is Sunday, I doubt he will have much to say about tonight’s events. We tell him when it happens but he usually shrugs it off. She never drinks around him at all. Sometimes I wonder if he even believes what we tell him. Even when they attend parties together she never even takes more then a few sips of her wine, if she accepts one at all. It’s like two different people. She drinks like a fish when he’s gone and acts like she never touches alcohol when he’s home. It’s crazy.

Like I said before, I think she uses the alcohol to hide the truth that’s right in front of her. They’ve been married for 10 years and in her drunken state she’s told me she can’t live without him. During these blurt out sessions, I don’t think she even realizes whom she’s talking to. She just blurts things out to anyone that is within a few feet of her. I think she is afraid of what people will think if they split up and I think she is afraid to give up the money and the lifestyle it brings. She’s an expert at denial. She amazes me how she can act this crazy and then the second Mr. K walks back in the door she actually convinces herself that everything is perfect. Of course they battle it out almost every night he’s home but during the day she puts on her “I have a perfect life” face. I really don’t know if she will ever let herself face what her life really is. It also scares me to think where will Kayley end up. I can’t see either one of them caring for her full time. It’s really sad that this sweet little girl is the one really hurt by all of this. They must think she’s too young to understand. Children understand more then we give them credit for though. They are amazingly perceptive and always find a way to make everything their fault.

I hope Mrs. K snaps out of whatever she’s going through right now. At least I hope she cuts down on the drinking so we don’t have to play clean up crew again.

Have a wonderful Friday everyone! Comments and messages are always welcome.

A tired nanny,