Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Amazing!! - (Post 9)

OH BOY! Those two words sum up my day today. It was so stressful and surprising at the same time. I learned a lot of things that I didn’t know about what was going on in this house. Mr. K sat Tara and I down for a little meeting to get everything out in the open and go over how the house will be running from now on. He didn’t want Kayley around for this so he asked Tony to escort her on a bike ride around the neighborhood and they had a lot of fun. Here is a run down of how the meeting went. There’s a lot to go over so bare with me.

First thing Mr. K said was he wants to do everything possible to shield Kayley from this divorce. He doesn’t want anyone, including him talking about it in front of her. We can explain it to her in her terms obviously, but beyond that, nothing else. I couldn’t agree with this more. Children do not need to be given adult issues and it will be better for her not to hear the nasty parts of divorce. It was the reason he asked Tony to take her out for a little while, so we could have this meeting without her in earshot. The second thing he said was, “Now, I want to know everything. I know there are things that went on in this house that I was unaware of, I already know some things which made me decide on divorce but I want to know everything.” We both just froze. It’s awkward telling your employer what he wasn’t paying attention to. I was waiting for Tara to start and I found out later that she was waiting for me. He seemed to sense this and said, “Please, I really do want to know. I’m sure this is awkward for you but I think it all needs to come out so we can make some changes for Kayley’s sake. The truth is what matters, not my feelings or my ego.”

So, we did. I took a deep breath and explained everything. I told him about the way Mrs. K treated Kayley and everything related to the two of them. I was actually surprised at how much came out. Tara and I just talked and talked each making certain points. Honestly, when it was all out I felt so much better! It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Tara told me later she did too. That faded into the background when I suddenly realized everything we had just said and not knowing what would come next. Mr. K excused himself and stepped outside. This had us both really nervous. We had dropped a lot of things on him but he said he needed the truth. We said it in the most delicate way possible but it had to of still stung. We had to tell him about the drinking, her passing out and being carried to bed, her treating Kayley like shit and that she didn’t have anything to do with Kayley in anyway beyond a basic hello. That has to be hard to take. He ended up staying outside for about forty -five minutes. Tara and I ended up cleaning the kitchen (even though it was already clean) as a way to relieve stress and pass the time. We didn’t even talk much, I just didn’t know what to say and was just too nervous to speak. I was really worried we would be losing our jobs.

When he came back inside he asked if we would sit down with him again. Of course we did and he began to talk. He said that he didn’t know about 90% of what we told him. Mrs. K had him thinking that she and Kayley spent all day together, that I was just here as backup. He was actually thinking about letting me go (before all of this) because he didn’t think I was needed. Mrs. K had him thinking she was a full time hands on mother. He thought she was taking Kayley to doctor’s appointments and outings. He thought she never drank besides the occasional glass of wine at a party. He thought he was married to a completely different person. He admitted that he wasn’t happy in his marriage for a long time because of the way she was with him. He said he only recently started noticing things and learned what was really going on. Apparently, Mrs. K called him the night she came home drunk and passed out. After I had helped her get into bed she called him over twenty times. He was sleeping and didn’t hear the phone ring. She left him messages on every call and was clearly drunk. She denied drinking later but he knew she was lying. Tara and I didn’t know this but she’s an alcoholic and had been in treatment for it at least twice. She had promised him that she wouldn’t drink anymore besides a glass of wine, which he wasn’t happy with that either. When he came home and we told him how bad it really was he confronted her about her drinking. She refused to get help and said she was going to drink as much as she wanted. He then said he overheard her talking to her sister about Kayley. He said the way she spoke about her was as if she were something in the way to be disposed of. He never thought Mrs. K would ever physically harm Kayley (I’ve never thought so either) but he said he could tell from her tone that she didn’t see her as a mother should.

It was a long conversation. It went on and on with Tara and I sitting quietly and listening. He apologized to us for having to deal with this and that he didn’t act sooner. He admitted that he probably wasn’t ready to. He said he does love her but it’s not the same anymore. He just had to be ready to end their marriage. He said that based on her actions and statements, he doesn’t see Mrs. K fighting for custody or even visitation. He plans to have full custody of Kayley and raiser her himself, with my help of course. This is where he brought up the changes that will be taking place. I’ll put them in list form so it will be easier.

1. Kayley will be attending school this fall. – I’m beyond thrilled at this one! I know many of you will be too!
2. Kayley’s friends will not be so restricted. He wants her to have friends and socialize. – How great is that?
3. Mr. K will not be leaving on business trips the way he has been. He can do the work he needs to do from here. Some will still need to take place but they will be few and far between. He also plans to cut down on his day hours to spend more time with Kayley, and working more when she’s in bed or out. – Another great thing.
4. A chef will be hired to take some burden off of Tara since on top of housework; she has also been cooking the majority of the meals. – A great thing for Tara since she does have a lot on her plate, which is why I help her out as much as I can.
5. I’m being put on more of a schedule (he thought I already was). He said we could go over that tomorrow, as today has already been a lot to take in, which we all agreed.
6. He offered to hire another housekeeper if Tara felt it was necessary, if she thought the entire house was too much for her. – She declined. She said that with cooking not being a responsibility anymore then she can definitely handle the house.
7. A point he made very clear is he will be more hands on with Kayley. He wants to be very much involved in her life and wants to make up for these 5 years when he wasn’t. – Just typing that makes me smile!

There could be more but that’s all I can think of off the top of my head. It was a lot to take in. Between the divorce being so out of the blue and Mrs. K leaving right away. Plus the new information about Mrs. K and all the changes, I think I’m on overload. After the meeting ended and Tony came back with Kayley we resumed our day. Mr. K took Kayley to the toy store and they went to visit with his mother. Tara and I were told to take the rest of the day off. The funny thing is we didn’t even know what to do! We haven’t had a day off in so long that it was somewhat shocking. I did end up having a great day though. I called my best friend, Meg to tell her what was going on. We met up for a “girls day out” and it was well overdue. We did some shopping, had our nails done, went out to dinner and even saw a movie. It was pretty simple stuff but it was a lot of fun. It was good to go out and do something for me. Of course I love Kayley and really do enjoy my time with her, but I need me time too. I know mothers and nannies alike will understand that very well. It’s very rejuvenating to get out and have some girl time. Tara had a great day too. She met up with her sister and they went to visit their grandmother. I know this meant a lot to her since she hasn’t been able to really see her grandmother in over two months. She was so ecstatic to have spent the day with her.

I have to say; I have never had as much respect for Mr. K as I do now. I think he is really stepping up as a father and a man. You can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice that he really wants a better home and life for Kayley. You could feel that he was heartbroken and upset over what she had been dealing with. He had no idea how bad it was really getting between Mrs. K and Kayley. I wish you all could have seen the look on his face when we explained what was going on. It was pure heartbreak! Tara and I agreed that we felt bad for being the messengers but glad that he finally knew everything. He was too. He thanked us for our honesty and said he could never apologize enough for what we’ve dealt with.

Tara and I are also getting a raise. Mr. K told us that we more then earned for everything we have had to put up with and going above and beyond our jobs. My original pay was $10.00 and hour, and it will not be $16.00. That is a huge raise for a nanny! My new hours will be decided tomorrow, which I’m excited about. I love caring for Kayley but I need a set schedule, at least for my sanity.

I hope you all will join me in a celebratory dance at the new changes that this house is in store for! Some of them (like the divorce) will be stressful for everyone involved but it’s for the better and the changes that are happening because of it are wonderful!

A tired but happy nanny,


micvaillan said...

I keep looking to see if you have updated since your Post 10,,, nothing yet...this is like reading a good novel