Saturday, April 19, 2008

More Drama Unfolds - (Post 2)

Not long after I submitted my last entry the fighting between Mr. and Mrs. K became worse. About twenty minutes after I settled down for the night the fighting moved from their bedroom into the hallway. He was screaming that he couldn't take it anymore and that he was leaving for his trip early. She was crying and begging for him to stay. The fighting moved down the hallway and down the stairs into the entranceway. Surprisingly, Kayley didn't wake up from this. Once they were downstairs it was harder to hear the exact words but I soon figured out that he really was leaving when the door slammed shut. I cringed when it slammed, as it seemed to shake the entire house. I heard Tara (the maid) pass by my room and head for the stairs. I was getting up to head downstairs myself when I heard Mrs. K scream at Tara to go back upstairs. Tara did as she was told and she went very quietly back to her room. Mrs. K stayed downstairs for quite a while after her husband left. I must have fallen asleep since I awoke 3 hours later to the sound of her bedroom door slamming.

After getting Kayley ready this morning and eating her breakfast I ran into Mrs. K at the bottom of the stairs. She looked like hell. Her hair was a mess, she had mascara stains around her eyes and she smelled of alcohol. I was shocked to see her like this since she never leaves her room in the morning until every hair is in place and she looks perfect. I was about to say good morning and tell her that Kayley was in the kitchen when she cut me off. She told me Mr. K had to leave early for an emergency and wouldn't need his morning coffee. I had to hold back a laugh. How could she possibly think I didn't hear them last night? Does she think I'm deaf or just that sound of a sleeper? I just nodded and simply said, "I'm sure he'll be back soon." Honestly, I don't think she even heard me. She just slowly wandered to the front window and stared out at nothing. Tara came into the entrance way looked at Mrs. K then looked at me. We both shrugged and headed our separate ways. I could see Tara gently shaking her head as she went towards the kitchen.

I couldn't wait to get out of the house and Kayley seemed antsy too. She was really excited to be going to the museum. Her little friend Blake and his nanny were meeting us there. Blake is one of the few children Kayley is allowed to be with. Mrs. K thinks too many friends will be distracting for her. I think its bullshit. I always break the rules and let her socialize with other kids her age whenever I can. I don't worry about being caught since Mrs. K would actually have to talk to her daughter and really listen to know anything was going on. Kayley is a very social little girl and thrives on playing with other kids. What kid doesn't though? She loves it! I can't deny her of that and expect her to just hang out with adults all the time. It's just not fair.

We spent a good chunk of the day at the museum. They have tons of different shows and activities the kids can do and they even have little study groups. It sounds too old for them but it really does fit their age group. They bring things down to their level and the kids love it. Blake and Kayley had a blast together as always as his nanny, Kelly and I chatted. We've become good enough friends but I don't let her in on what goes on at the Kingston house. I don't really see the point in it. She's a nice girl but she's also a gossip queen and wouldn't hesitate to tell everyone she knew what she heard from me. So I just always say everything is fine and move on. I happen to know the family she works for has their own issues anyway, some information from her and some from other nannies. Yes, nannies talk. Some more then others but they share details. Just like maids, cooks, gardeners and everyone else talks. Even the families themselves gossip about each other and their nannies. It's a crazy cycle.

Since Mrs. K was so out of it this morning she didn't have her promised itinerary for me, which I was glad. Kayley and I have much more fun on our own anyway. The only schedule I had to really follow was to have her home by 3pm in time to meet with her teacher. Kayley is home schooled; she has been since she started talking. This is another one of Mrs. K's rules about keeping her away from other children. She is ahead of most kids her age though. She's a very bright little girl. She loves her teacher too. They work great together. The teacher is always singing her praises and Kayley always has tons to tell me after their session is over. She tries to tell her parents too but they don't give her the time of day. They just ask either the teacher or me how she's doing with her schoolwork and expect a short and simple answer. How uninvolved they are really breaks my heart.

After Kayley finished with her schoolwork and had dinner her mom appeared looking as if nothing happened and informed me she would be attending a party. Kayley was so excited with everything she learned today she ran for her mom squealing. Mrs. K stepped back as if a strange dirty animal was running towards her. She put her hand out and yelled, "Kayley, freeze! Don't touch my dress, I don't want you to ruin it." Its moments like this I could really smack her. You could see the heartbreak in Kayley's eyes as she stopped and said quietly that she wasn't going to. Mrs. K surprised us both and asked her what she wanted to say. Kayley's face lit up and she dove right into the story of the day at the museum. The Mrs. K I know returned and she cut her daughter off after not even letting her speak for 30 seconds and said, "that's great, now go play". Again the heartbroken face returned and Kayley turned and slowly walked away. Mrs. K headed out the front door to the waiting car and left for the night. Once again I was left to pick up the pieces of Kayley's shattered heart and find a way to make it all better.

I found Kayley in her room crying hugging her favorite doll, Jessie. As soon as she saw me she jumped into my arms and hugged me. She hugged me so tight I wasn't sure she would ever let go. It's a rule that as working as a nanny you're not supposed to get attached. You should never let yourself fall in love with the children and never let them love you. I hate this rule. I think whoever made it up must have either been a complete idiot or had never really spent time around children. You can't help but fall in love with them. They wiggle their way into your heart and you would do anything for them. I sat down with Kayley still in my arms and told her that her mommy was running late and had to go. She nodded her head but we both knew that her mom never has time for her. After cuddling with her and her little doll for a little while I decided I had to find a way to bring that happy little girl back. My plan was every little kid's weakness, ice cream. Just the words made her face light up. She doesn't get it very often so she becomes super excited when she's allowed too. I wanted her day to end on a good note the way it started and not let her mom ruin another day for her. So, I broke yet another rule and we giggled over a bowl of ice cream as we talked about all the fun she had today. I really do love this little girl.

It's just before 2am right now and the house is pretty quiet. I can hear Tara down the hall in her room watching TV. Kayley is fast asleep in her room and Mrs. K still hasn't returned home. When Mr. K is out on business trips sometimes she doesn't come home until around breakfast time. What she does at these parties, I don't even really want to know. She drinks a lot when Mr. K is gone. I think she's trying to make herself numb. I think every time he leaves it only reminds her how horrible their marriage really is. She seems to go into a whole new level of denial when he's home, like him being in the house lets her pretend she has the perfect life but every time that door shuts behind him she has to face the truth. Part of me feels for her with the way Mr. K treats her and their marriage but I find it hard to have any pity for her with they way she treats Kayley. It's somewhat conflicting.

Kayley has another play date with Blake at his house tomorrow. She should have a lot of fun. She doesn't have any school tomorrow so she will have plenty of time to have a blast with him. Plus the less she's around her mom while Mr. K is gone the better. Mrs. K doesn't pay attention to Kayley that much to begin with but it's worse when Mr. K is away. She's a total mess while he's on a trip and it only hurts Kayley more. I wish sometimes that Kayley had different parents. Ones that truly loved her and gave her the attention she needs. Parents who actually gave a damn how she feels and that would show her what she has to say is important. I do this for Kayley but it can only do so much. I can't replace what she wants from her parents. I can't replace them although I wish I could take away all the hurt that little girl carries around with her. I've been told by other people that Kayley is so lucky to be born to parents with so much money, that she will always have everything she needs. It angers me because what she needs most she will never get from her mom and dad. Yes, she has all the material things and she is well cared for by other people but she doesn't have the love and affection from her parents. She doesn't know without a shadow of a doubt that her parents love her. I know this because she has asked me on numerous occasions if her parents love her or not. Of course I tell her they do but it makes me want to cry every time she asks because she probably wonders every day.

If I could tell parents of the world one thing, it would be that money doesn't make your children happy. It doesn't even make you happy. Money will give you a pretty roof over your family's head and food on the table. It can even give you the best nannies and help money can buy but what it can't do is love your children. Your kids want nothing more then their mommy and daddy to love them and to tell them that every day. They want your attention and acceptance. They want you to listen to their stories and they want you to play with them. They have so much to give and they want to give it all to you! Forget your fancy cars, expensive homes and impressing the neighbors. Instead go up to your child and tell them that they are special and that you love them. Tell them they are important to you and you love being their mommy or daddy. Children grow up so fast and these special years will be gone before you know it, so don't waste them.

I appreciate your comments. I hope you and anyone reading this blog will continue to leave them. Your opinions and thoughts are appreciated! I'll be updating this blog daily so keep checking back for more! Thanks.

Your friendly neighborhood nanny,